Its been quite a while since my last blog. I am sorry! You would think I would have all the time in the world with a deployed husband, but the past few weeks have been busy. Its funny how I PACK my schedule as full as I can to pass the time, giving myself not a moment to take in the quiet that happens when you are completely alone. I have always been that way. “Whats next? Where are we going? Are we there yet? And I’m bored!” were CONSTANT questions flaring out of my mouth as a child. I still live this way today- only I can entertain myself. Most recently I’ve taken up NESTING! Thats right- just like a pregnant woman nests before her baby arrives. Nope, not pregnant- just anxiously awaiting Adams return. Cleaning, organizing, organizing, cleaning… seems like forever ago that we said goodbye yet the time has flown. I can’t wait to walk out to that flight line and watch my “fly guy” step off those air stairs as I jump into his arms. That moment…that very moment is like the first kiss. Like the very first time those butterflies fill your tummy. Only this time- its with of relief.
Training has been going great. I absolutely feel stronger. Its amazing to me how much different I feel. I’m hoping it will improve my times which will be tested this weekend in a Sprint Tri. I will be racing the Mermaid Triathlon in the Bay on Saturday. It should be a lot of fun, although I wish the course was longer than a sprint. Not that i’m not looking forward to busting out a few (hopefully quick miles) in my amazing new T2 Pearl Izumi shoes. I think i’m in love! The swim is going to be COLD. I have never done a swim in the Bay before, but everyone keeps telling me how dirty the water is. YUCK! At least I wont be able to see the sharks and fish 🙂 I’m very curious to see how I feel on the bike. With all of the time i’ve been spending on it, I am hoping to see improvement. My training rides have been windy!!!! Which is good training since the course will be too, but definitely takes away the speed factor.
I got to run 75 minutes this weekend and it felt AMAZING! It keeps reminding me how much I love to run, and how much I miss it! ALTHOUGH I will say- I am in love with swimming and am really coming to love biking too. Running will always be my first, but i’ll share :O) I am STARTING to feel like I have some structure. Getting into the swing of the QT2systems program and coaches. I am LOVING the team. I can’t wait to continue to improve and pursue this passion.
Nutrition has been- well lets face it a BIG BRICK WALL for me. Its a mental battle for me knowing that I have to put on muscle before I can take off any (non-lean body fat percentage) to put it nicely. I’ve always had “the runners body”, and its a completely different ball game. Mary keeps telling me LONG TERM KATIE….so i’m keeping that in the fore front of my mind. For years I struggled with an eating disorder, and am DETERMINED not to let it control me, my life, my decisions, and especially my atheltic abilities. I can’t believe looking back now how much time it wasted. How much talent it wasted. How much of me it wasted (away literally). For those of us who have struggled, we always will. But it makes us stronger. 90% of the battle is mental, which i’ve only most recently come to realize. One of my best friends/ triathlete describes it as being “perfectly imperfect”. I like that quote. I think all women should carry that around in their back pocket. I’m finding myself watching less TV because advertising just frustrates me. The amount of pressure that the media puts on women disgusts me.
GIRLS- you are perfect. Just as you are. Perfectly IMPERFECT. I love you for that. For being you and only you. Flaws and all.
My focus for this week: SHADES OF GRAY: (not the book)
“Katie, people like you and I are RIGHT or WRONG, GOOD or BAD, ALL IN or ALL OUT, BLACK or WHITE. But you have to learn that sometimes its OKAY to be in the gray area. You can’t be 100% or 0% ALL of the time. Shades of Gray are not a bad thing. Sometimes your just OKAY. And thats perfect.”
WOW. What a powerful statement. I had never thought in shades of gray before. Accept yourself for EXACTLY where you are at RIGHT NOW. This doesnt mean you have to stay there. It just means you acknowledge where you are at that very moment and accept it. OK …I accept it- now lets move on.
Lets get better. Lets keep working. This might be when I realized I had to stop yelling at my Heart Rate for running to slow. How can I already be in Zone 1? Nope…its okay- just means I have work to do. And this girl likes work!
I never knew “the fire burning inside you” werent just words- but feelings. I feel it. I feel the fire. I want this so badly I can taste it. Burn baby burn. Bring on those shades of gray. I’ll take them, acknowledge and accept them and better myself with them. This life is far too beautiful for anything less.