Challenging Limits

imagesVAW33J0ETwo weeks in!

Just a little update to the new season after beginning my training with Hillary Biscay and Team HPB.

It seems like my fitness is coming back faster than I thought it would. I’m really enjoying the change of pace. And change of pace it is! I started back to work the same day I started back to training. It’s been a lesson in preparation. Weekends are spent meal planning, prepping, and bag packing! I have 5 bags packed. One for every day I’m working. A few days a week I’m gone from 4am- 5pm, so I’m totally spent by the time I collapse on the floor at 7:30pm. Thank god for my crockpot! I have every meal ready in giant ziplocks and just dump it in to cook while I’m at work! And I GOT A VITA MIX THIS WEEK! I’ve wanted one for years. 4am workouts are something I just started this year. It allows me to be done before I head to school (work) so I can go right to Physical therapy after school. Once I’m up its not bad, I kind of enjoy getting it done early.

Physical therapy is an important piece for me right now. I was having problems with my left calf seizing up every time I ran a few months back. After going to PT, we realized it was stemming from some Posterior Tibialis Tendonitis (most likely the 22, 18, and 15 milers I did back to back). Idiot. And THEN! Nick my awesome PT made me do side planks with a leg lift. I could barely get my right leg up when I was on my left side. Holy weak side! So were working on correcting my imbalances.

I’m also learning to love the treadmill. Ok well not love, but I’m getting used to it! It is the best way for me to remain injury free and increase my fitness. For me, perceived exertion is way off when I’m on it- so that’s been an adjustment, but it’s coming along. The bike is all about just getting time on the saddle, along with some strength building trainer rides. Love the trainer. And swimming has been feeling great.

At the end of February, I’ll be heading to Tuscon, Arizona to train with the team. A little birdy told me that we would be swimming a monster set. 100 X 100. Yes, 10,000 yards. I’m excited to push myself. Though I admit my fear of descending has be completely freaked about the way down Mt. Lemmon. But this is why I’m going. To push myself outside my comfort zone and to learn to ride the descents with skill and not fear. I can’t wait to meet my new teammates! I’ll be staying in a Casita with 3 other girls. Should be a blast!

I’m also lucky enough to have my sponsors back this season! Quintana Roo and my amazing Illlicito (shameless plug) , Pacific Health Labs, XTERRA wetsuits, and hopefully KT Tape again! I wouldn’t be able to do what I do without you guys. I can’t thank you enough for all you do for our sport! I’m ready to represent this year!

Also, a shout out to my former coach Mary Eggers and the awesome Valor Triathlon Project for supporting my move to Team HPB. I will sure miss you guys! But I can’t wait to head back east and watch you all crush it out there!

As for this season and racing, I have an east coast schedule and a west coast schedule. I truly am not sure what coast I’ll be living on in the next few months. Tis the life of the Military wife! LOL. Hopefully I will find out soon! I would LOVEEEEEEE to be back on the East coast near my favorite people and family! I miss my bestie more than words (momma- that’s you 😉 ).

So cheers to all of you perusing you dreams. I know it is a sacrifice. And to you, Adam Myszka. My other bestie and best sherpa ever. Thank you for always supporting my dreams. And containing my crazy! I love you!

Train on friends!

“Dear Destiny, I am ready now.”

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I have exciting news!

It’s been a long time since i’ve written a blog. After nearly 8 months of not competing, and two months completely off… I am back. But this time, I am doing things a little differently. This past year I admittedly sheltered myself. After two pretty significant accidents, I was quite honestly just scared of putting myself out there again. The “what if’s” would creep into my mind daily, crippling me and keeping me from moving forward. Though my body and mind did need time off, I feel that i’m ready to take myself on. No longer will I be my own worst enemy. It’s time to join my own team.

This year is all about stepping outside my comfort zone. It stings a little to say that out loud. Because comfortable is well…comfortable! But that hasn’t gotten me anywhere. So I decided to reach out to my bucket list coach. Why? Why not? I realized there is no better time than now. I had met this amazing triathlete and person at a race last year. We chatted for a while, and my wheels have been turning ever since. One of the main reasons I think she is amazing, is because of how hard she pushes her athletes. But what made me over the top excited about her was hearing about the time she made one of her athletes run a MARATHON on a TREADMILL after he DNF’d from an Ironman. Talk about pain cave. It was then I knew she was meant for me!

Mary Eggers has been an amazing coach for me for the past 2-3 years. I have nothing bad to say about her. She has taught me so much about the sport, and has been with me through all of my face plants! And for that I am so grateful. I just feel like it is time to mix things up, and to start fresh. So Mary, THANK YOU!

My new coach and I spoke for over an hour on the phone today. I am so incredibly excited to start. Our plan is to ride the heck out of my bike. Get more experience and get comfortable! I’ll be doing some bike overload weeks eventually upwards of 300 miles or 20 hours. I’m excited now…i’ll check in during one of those weeks when I can’t feel my insides 😉

So i’m obviously looking to drastically improve my bike (which sucks right now), and get to the point where i’m not shot by the time I get off so I can actually RACE the run. So some speed work is on my agenda in the next few months!

Soooooo who is she?

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………………………… …………………. ……………… dah dah dah …………….. …………………. ……………………….

The Great

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The Talented

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The Beautiful

Hillary.Biscay1  Hillary Biscay!!!!!

For those of you who don’t know her…let me brag on her a little for you!

She was the Ultraman World Champion in 2013. If you are unfamiliar. It’s a double ironman. Yowza. This race has my interest! She has done over 60 Ironman races, and been top 5 in 30 of them. She also went to the 2000 Olympic Trials for the 200m Breast Stroke. But best of all…she’s an amazing person. One whom I can’t WAIT to get to know better, and someone i totally trust to lead me on this journey.

I am ready to be humbled. And I am ready to join my own team. A big thank you to Hillary for taking me on as her project!

Looking forward to reading everyone’s 2015 race schedules. Happy Training friends!!

Back in the game!

“The road to anywhere starts with the first step.”

     This past Saturday I had the chance to get my race legs back. This is the longest stretch i’ve ever had without racing. Last June was unknowingly my season closer! My goal for this race was to test my fitness, and get back into the game. I haven’t done any speed work, just base building so far. And my run milage has been fairly low since coming back from the crash. So I figured I could hold about 7 minutes per mile just outside comfortable. I’d be keying in on fueling to, as this has been an area of contention with me for years. With Pacific Health Labs as a sponsor now- I get quality nutrition that settles well with me. I’d be using Accel gel’s and Accerade. This race was also strategically placed after a 3.5 hour bike ride the day before. Coach Mary wanted to see how I would do on my biking legs. Were all about race prep here. 

     I knew I had to stay within myself for this race. A big change for me. Road racing, I would always work on picking people off and working my way at a podium attempt. Not this race. This was the Pacific championship for club teams. And I wasn’t there to place. I was there to test myself on tired legs. So for the first time ever in a race, I used my iPod. 

     I started in the back of the front. I found a pace that was comfortably uncomfortable and was constantly reassessing. Slowing down wasn’t an option, either I would speed up or hold. I was averaging between 6:45-6:55 the first few miles and they were ticking by fast and comfortably. I was surprised that my legs weren’t more tired from my bike yesterday. I took one gel about 15 minutes before the start, and another at mile 6. The cups at the aid station were tiny, and I struggled getting enough water even after two small cups. I sipped on Accelerade in a hand carry bottle- but wasn’t very interested in getting much fluid in. I should have been drinking more. That bottle should have been empty when I was done, and it was over half full. 

    By mile 7, I was getting tired. I had to really mentally focus on keeping my cadence up in order to hit my paces. I slowed about 5 seconds/ mile but was still under 7- so I was okay with that. I was also working through out the race to stay on top of my thoughts. Its so easy to talk yourself OUT of a pace, or a cadence, or the race. But today I had the opportunity to practice. I basically turned myself into one of my own coached athletes. I talked to myself the way I would talk to one of my athletes during a race. “Stay on top of your cadence”, “you’re doing great- hold this”, “four more miles is nothing- you’ve got this!”. These strategies really helped me stay tough when my legs were getting tired. 

    I ended up averaging 6:52/ mile for 10.4 miles according to my garmin. 1:09:03. I was content with that. I know with some speed work and more mileage I can bring that down to 6:45’s with the goal of 6:30’s in the future. But for now, I met myself where I was at and got the job done. Hitting the goal I set for myself felt really good. 

    Looking back at the race, there are a few things I would have done differently. Post race I became extremely nauseous. I forgot my Endurox recovery drink at home, but I couldnt stomach anything at that point anyways. I felt sick for the next 7 hours. After talking to VTP coach Cristina C., I realized that it was in fact my on course nutrition- even though I thought I did well. I was more dehdrated than I thought, and the timing of my fueling could have been better. The gels worked amazingly during the race, but I hadnt had enough water with them. I allowed myself to become dehydrated, causing my gut to empty much slower- hence the nausea. I forgot my Endurox. And I didnt eat anything after the race. These are all areas I am currently working on. And with PHL as my sponsor, I have all of the latest and greatest information to help me fuel correctly. Here is some of the newest news from Pacific Health Labs about rehydration . Couldnt be more perfect timing for me!

http://www.pacifichealthlabs.com/blog/the-latest-science-of-rehydration/

I also couldnt have done this race without KT TAPE. I had both feet taped up for extra support. I do this every single day since having plantar fascitis and heel spurs. They are almost gone now, and I can’t believe what a difference the tape has made. And surprisingly, everyone from the arthritis class at my local pool loves the tape! They keep asking me where they can get it. Luckily I know where to send them 🙂 

I am currently working with Quintana Roo to get my new bike for this season. No more riding on a cracked frame! I will be at HITS Napa this weekend  working with my sponsor XTERRA as well! Can’t wait to cheer on a few of my friends!

Thank you to all of my sponsors, coach Mary, and my family. None of this would be possible without you!

Life’s Lemonade

 

My last post on here ironically was the day before my last race of the season. I never got to do that race. Most of you know by now, but the night before the race my husband and I were T-boned by a car going about 60 mph while driving the bike course. We had just come from picking up my race packet and taking pictures in T1. At that moment…my life changed. Again. Triathlon has been a continuous series of life lessons for me up to this point. Lessons in plans, lessons in toughness. You can make all of the plans you want, but sometimes life hands you lemons. People say “your life can change in a second “… but in reality your life can change in a millisecond. 

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The minutes after the crash were the scariest moments of my life. Adam was in bad shape, we couldn’t move him out of the car, and the car was stuck with the ignition on and in drive. Was he bleeding internally? No, but I didn’t know. I didn’t know if these next few minutes would be our last together. After finally getting medical help to arrive (another story, for another day), we were taken to level 3 trauma hospital. Adam had 6 broken ribs, a collapsed lung, and the impact to his side had shattered his glenoid joint and broken his scapula. The doctors told us that most people they see with broken scapula’s aren’t alive, because it takes such a blunt force to break it. I had suffered only a bad concussion from hitting my head on the side window, whip lash, and some cuts and bruises. I remember picking a piece of glass out of my head, and lots from my hair for days. After a week in Palm Springs, we were transported via ambulance in side by side gurneys. A 9 hour drive back to Travis Air Force base, where we were admitted and then discharged from their medical facility. We were able to go home for about 36 hours until going to San Fransisco, where Adam would have a 6.5 hour surgery. We found one of the best surgeons in the country to put the 12 screws and 2 plates in his shoulder. He said it was one of the most difficult surgeries he has performed in his 20 years. We spent a week in SF before finally getting to come home. I spent that week trying to get our house ready for Adam. A hospital bed, an ice machine, handles in the shower, a shower seat, meals arranged from our wonderful squadron- you name it- we had it. 

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Recovery has gone incredibly well. I’ve been working with a neurologist every few weeks. He saw me after the concussion I had with my bike crash, so he knows me pretty well. At first, thinking of words was a real struggle. I knew what I wanted to say but I just couldn’t get it out. I wouldn’t remember things. Simple things. I had headaches, I was tired- all the time. And I didn’t have much of an appetite. But this recovery has been a lot faster than my last. And I am happy to report that yesterday, ADAM WAS CLEARED TO FLY! The doctor’s told us that he would be out for at LEAST 6 months. Its been 2 1/2. They are amazed with his recovery time. And so am I. 

I truly believe that our quick recovery, which was not easy in any way- was due to our positive attitude. People would ask me “aren’t you mad? Aren’t you bitter? ” How could I be? I’m alive! We shouldn’t be. We shouldn’t have “walked away” from that accident as well as we did. And we really feel blessed for that. It hasn’t been easy. There are days you just want to cry, days you just want to throw your hands in the air and say “I’m exhausted. I’m sick of fighting”. That is when we made lemonade. Many of you received our Christmas card this year. I spent all day asking the staff if I could borrow their Christmas decorations. I dolled up our hospital gowns, and had the nurse take a photo of us with my iPhone. “If we have to be here- we are going to laugh about it” I told Adam. 

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I am finally back into the full swing of training. With instructions from the neurologist to “listen to by body”. Which I am doing. It feels AMAZING to be back. AGAIN. Someone told me they felt bad for me the other day. That I just can’t catch a break. But honestly, I don’t want a break. I want success when i’ve earned it. And I’ve learned A LOT from these experiences. Things that i’m not sure any race could have taught me. I love this quote, it describes me perfectly:

“Someone once asked me why I always take the hard road. And I said: Why do you assume I see two roads? “

My bike was totaled in the accident. So right now i’m riding only inside. But everything else is back on track. And it feels amazing. This season is a little different than last year. I am now a part of the Valor Triathlon project. Still working with Mary Eggers. I can’t imagine working with anyone else, so I am excited to be a part of this new team! And my teammates are awesome. I will be attending the Lake placid training camp in June, and racing Ironman Syracuse 70.3 the week after. I’m going to keep the rest of my season to myself for now, because if there’s one thing i’ve learned…sometimes plans change. I’m currently seeking out sponsorship of companies that I love, trust, and use! Hoping to represent some of the best this year. 

If I can pass along any piece of advice to my fellow athletes, friends, clients, teammates… 

Don’t ever give up on your dreams. No matter how many times life throws lemons at you. A positive attitude will overpower any fearful, doubtful, or seemingly impossible situation. Lemonade is much sweeter when you’ve made it yourself.

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Season Culminating Race

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So here I am. Less than 24 hours before my culminating race of the 2013 season. Actually, my season has been a year and a half. I haven’t taken an off -season since my bike crash. I know my body is ready to heal. Although I’m not ready to take a step back, as my head is in it and I’m feeling strong. I’ve been fighting a nasty heel spur. And I mean nasty. So it’s time.  With that being said. I’ve never felt more ready for a big race this season. I feel more mentally and physically ready than I did for Texas in April, and Syracuse in July. The forecast is cold, and I’m a hot weather runner. But I’m ready. I’ve prepared myself for 5 months for this day and weather is unpredictable. That is something we as athletes must learn to adapt to. The unpredictability has made me mentally durable.  I remember the first time I had to swim 3,000 yards. I was terrified. Now I gleam with excitement when I get a 5,000 yard swim. I love my trainer, and a half marathon seems like a short run. But it’s taken a LOT of blood, sweat, and tears. Someone at the gym said to me before I left : ”you know, you triathletes amaze me. No one see’s the hours you put in the pool and the weight room, on your bike and the roads. They just see Kona on TV and think how nice Hawaii must be.” Amen. Though I have no idea what Kona is like…I know what the hours of sweat in the pain cave feel like. And I’ve done it so that I can put myself there tomorrow for 4-5 hours and learn to love that pain. Learn to embrace it.  I was doing a workout in the pool one day and my friend Marisa commented that she was watching me underwater and I had the look of pain on my face (I was gritting my teeth), I think it was more of a pain smile….but really. I love it. I love that pain. I love that rush. I live for this. So here goes 2013 and all I’ve worked for.

Coming back has not been easy this year. I’ve had a lot of behind the scenes work to do since the injury. The most obvious being able to walk, run and train again after my knee, I still can’t wear a back pack separating my clavicle, I had to relearn how to breathe properly after months of speech therapy, scopes down the throat, and now physical therapy to release the muscles under my ribcage, Osteo something- something doctors working on my spine, dry needle therapy in the leg (now that one’s fun you should google it). Basically getting needles stuck into the belly of your muscle, which creates a contraction. They leave the needle in to reset the muscle fibers (Think of a giant doctor induced Charlie horse) x 4 . Anyways, you get the idea. It’s been a ride. So this is my race to enjoy. This is my race to say “Aint nobody gonna hold me down!” Most importantly, me. That is most important. I overcame. I pushed through. And I didn’t give up. So here I am. 

 

“It’s the feeling that makes you never want to give up.

It takes you to places you never thought you could go.

It helps you do things that look and seem impossible.

It’s the love stronger than anything.

Don’t give up. Don’t ever give up.

 

It’s that voice in your head that says can’t, but you don’t listen.

It’s that ache in you lungs, but you push through it.

It’s that burning in your legs but you keep on burning.

And you end up finding that the person you thought you were

was no match for the person you truly are. “

“Fire”

Steal my heart

Something started burning in the back of my chest.

                                   All I ever asked for was a shot at the life,

and when you gave it to me, must have started a fire.

Burning for this

Fire

  My first Triathlon 3 years ago was not the moment I fell in love with the sport. I did however, fall in love with the pain. With pushing myself beyond what I thought I was capable of. Triathlon has been the most humbling and self- revealing sport I have ever participated in. Far surpassing competing on the national Team Handball team (no offense USA). This sport has forced me to dig deep into myself, to rely on my legs, my breath, my inner voice when the going gets tough. No one can teach you how to grit your teeth when you want to cry you’re so tired. When the sweat dripping in your eyes momentarily numbs the pain in your legs. When people stare at you as you hit the wall at the pool gasping for a breath but still smiling because you just hit a number you’ve never seen and it felt SO GOOD. But you don’t see them. It’s just you and that black line for 3,000+ yards. When I’m on my trainer at home (you all know how that feels) and it’s just you and your numbers. Hours you spend in your cave of sweat. Pounding it out until I can lay on my cold tile floor while my dogs lick the salt off my face. And I love every second. But looking back to 3 years ago, I never would have guessed I would be here now. I somehow managed to win the race that day, even after running INTO THE BATHROOM to change my clothes in T1!!!! Using an oversized mountain bike on the ride and not starting my run until noon (due to wave start) in the Mississippi summer heat. I still can’t believe I changed in a bathroom! I think my transition was something like 7 minutes! On days I get frustrated with numbers, I try to think back to this day and how far I’ve come. Not just how far I have to go. Although I believe that remembering how far you have to go keeps you humble. And being humble keeps my eye on the prize.

 

                        Come on in and light up my heart

Come on in and burn through my soul

Come on turn the heat up

Pick your feet up

and let it burn.

                  And all I ever asked for was a shot in the dark

                  And when you showed it to me, must’ve lit up a spark

Burning for this.

                                                       Fire

                                       Ever so brief Syracuse 70.3 race report!

HUMID! HUMID! HUMID! I had been purposefully running when it was 105+ degrees in Cali, but it had not prepared me for the humidity that awaited me in Syracuse on June 23rd. My swim was great. I felt stronger than ever. I really thought I had a chance at being around 30 minutes flat. When I got out of the water and checked my garmin I was SO ANGRY to see 34:00!!!! What THE!??!!? I was totally confused. Turns out the swim was long. Sigh of relief!

   Next up was a VERY challenging bike course. As most of you know, down hills have not been my friend this year after my crash last July. I did what I could, braked when I felt overwhelmed (on a few occasions), climbed what felt like the never ending hills, and ended up finishing in the same time I finished my Texas 70.3 bike in. I felt like although it wasn’t fast, it was an improvement. Texas was completely flat. Syracuse is the complete opposite. So given the course I was happy with the result. An improvement. As soon as my feet hit the ground I realized I was in trouble. I ran with my inhaler and took it 3 times before I even hit the first aide station. I was struggling. The humidity was taking its toll. Being a runner, I always have high expectations for myself. Texas was a bust when I got sick on the course. I wanted to do better. My Half Marathon time the year before was 1:28 the day after a 15 miler, so I was hoping to be around 1:30:00…but the legs were toasted from the hills and the lungs just weren’t taking in air. I wasn’t able to take in any nutrition, so I decided to try out Jennie’s tip to me. COKE. God Bless America. I haven’t taken a sip of this stuff in probably 10 years. Sure enough. It got me from aide station to aide station. Not fast, but without bonking. I stood under every hose on the course and filled my top with sponges and ice. I’m usually awesome in the heat. I thrive in it. Apparently not humidity anymore.  I was definitely disappointed with my overall time, although looking at the  overall race, I would have been 5th pro out of the water (I was  6th out in my age group), my bike had improved, and the run I know is there…somewhere.

    Then it hit me. I had been focusing SO HARD on improving my swim. Mostly because I wasn’t ready to trust my bike again and the run I had just assumed would be there. You can’t improve 3 disciplines at one time. So I guess I did come into this race doing exactly what I trained for. A good swim, an “improved bike”, and a less than stellar run. Braking on the down hills cost me my slot at the world championships. Do the math. One rider is riding down hill at 38mph for let’s say 12 miles of the race (total), and I end up averaging 26-27mph for that same 12 miles…it costs you quite a bit of time. Top 4 women made worlds, and I was 7th. Again, exactly what I trained for. You play how you practice!!!

 

So where do I go from here?

 

Since Syracuse I feel like I’ve been getting stronger physically and mentally. I’ve been looking at my training through a different lens. Instead of nailing my tempo run, then just getting through my bike, I’ve been really trying to break each workout up in my head. Focus on each one separately. QUALITY. What do I need to get out of THIS ride? THIS run? What do I need to work on? What do I need to improve? What do I need to do come next race? I’m seeing some great results and some new PR’s. This is where the fire comes in. It keeps me laying awake in bed at night (not kidding). I can’t shake it. It’s in my head most of the day. God I want this. I want this so bad. What do I need to do. What can I do better. What more can I give today. Patience Katie. Patience.

               Come on in and light up my heart

Come on in and burn through my soul

Come on turn the heat up

Pick your feet up

Fire

 

   As of right now I am planning on doing Miami 70.3 in October. It gives me plenty of time to get stronger and fitter, and it looks like a great course. And a chance to maybe redeem myself a little on the run! Until then, I’ll be working on getting stronger on the bike, faster on the run, and continuing to improve my swim. Oh…and trying to keep my head out of the clouds. But in all honesty. What is life without a dream? I believe I am meant to get my pro card. And with a lots hard work and dedication I will get there.

After allthere are no shortcuts to anyplace worth going.

 

 “The man who thinks he can and the man who thinks he can’t are both right. Which one are you?”

― Henry Ford

                     

           Fire is burning in every one of us,

Every one of us all.

So bring down your walls,

Down with them all,

Let them fall

 After we all started to crawl,

The fire was real.

After we all started to crawl,

The fire was real.

Looking away won’t save the day,

the fire is real.

Inside us all, thousand feet tall,

the fire is real.

Fire.

 

 

“Until you face your fears, you don’t move to the other side, where you find the power.”

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Three people have said something to me this week that have hit something inside me. Lit a small fire. Tore through this patch of monotony that was slowly tearing through the confidence I had in my abilities. It’s been a rough season for me so far. I will admit, my performances have been far less than what I expect for myself. My confidence in my abilities dwindling in my head as I try to quiet the voices telling me that I’m too slow, too heavy, and too inexperienced. I was listening to Dr. Radio on XM talking about excess weight and why athletes cut weight for races. They said think about a 10-15 pound bowling ball, or a bag of sugar. All I could think about during my run this weekend was that bag of sugar I was carrying this year. A literal bag of sugar I pictured myself carrying. Those small fleeting moments when your past comes back to haunt you. You have to silence the voices. You have to quiet the mind.
My coach always seems to be in my head. There have been many days that she has quoted a famous athlete or coach that could NOT have said what I was feeling at that moment any more clearly. Or needed to hear more than that quote at that moment on that day. This was one of those days.
“There is no more important mental factor than confidence because you might have all the ability in the world to achieve your goals, but if you don’t have the confidence in that ability, you won’t use that ability.”
Wow. Home run. I stood on the edge of the water this past weekend doubting myself. Doubting the work I’ve put in, doubting if I was good enough, and doubting if I had the right to be there. And that is exactly how I raced. It was far from my best race. Nowhere near actually. I had talked myself out of it before I even started. But why? Confidence. What was it that was making me doubt myself? What was it that makes me think I am not capable of what I believe everyone else is? Fear. Fear of failure? Fear of the unknown? Fear of never living up to my own expectations? My fear has projected onto my confidence, which has projected onto my performance, which has affected my attitude, which has affected my motivation, which has affected my workout, which has affected my confidence which well… you get the idea.

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As Adam and I were driving home from the race on Saturday. He asked me how I felt I did. I said I was disappointed in myself. That I mentally gave up. Once I had myself convinced that I was too far behind to ever succeed to what I thought was success (top 3)….I just decided I needed to finish. After I made that decision the race felt like a death march. It was more a battle of the mind. He then looked at me and said you know…”No one succeeds by accident Katie”. This is when it hit me. I didn’t deserve top 3 in that race and I knew it. I hadn’t gone prepared enough, hadn’t looked at the course well enough, hadn’t kept myself in mental state I would have needed to be in. I let the swim get the best of me. I let my mind get the best of me.
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As I look at what makes so many of these professional athletes so successful, I am beginning to realize that I don’t deserve that right now. I haven’t worked hard enough, haven’t sacrificed ENOUGH of my mind to this thing. I have sacrificed; I have worked my BUTT off but with reservation. With hesitation. With fear and lack of confidence. I am learning that we need bad experiences like bonking, knocking over bike racks in transition, getting lost, etc. to deserve to be elite. You can’t just expect it. Just because you show up at work doesn’t mean you are doing a good job. I don’t want to just show up. I want to believe I can be this. Do this. Conquer this. And at the end of the day, when I cross that line. I only want the podium if I have earned it. I only want my pro card when I earn it. And that may be a few years away. But until then I am learning each day what makes a better Katie Myszka. What can I do TODAY to be better than I was yesterday?
One of my teammates from QT2SYSTEMS said to me was “Racing 70.3’s and 140.6’s is amazing. But so few ever do race them. There is a big difference between doing one and racing one.” Another moment of silence please. Thanks David. I needed that. I don’t just want to “do” the race. I am a competitor. I NEED to compete. I NEED to race. Agh! I feel my fire slowly relighting already just thinking about it. Sometimes you just need friends to help you remember who you are.

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I, Katie Myszka am a competitor. And if I have to compete with myself for that pro card for the next 6 years you better believe I will be racing and not just “doing” it to get there. No one succeeds by accident. Success is earned.

Life On The Home Front.

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Most people know that I am a dedicated athlete. They know that I spend countless hours each day swimming, biking, running, and sweating. They know I love to run. They know I’m married, I love my two sweet dogs, and I miss my family back on the East Coast. In fact, many of you know me quite well…but not many know the life of a military wife, a military officer, or a military family. The constant goodbye, the constant worry, and the constant readjustment that goes on behind the scenes. Yes…we live a wonderful life that I wouldnt take back for a millisecond. But living this life comes with times where I feel like we are walking on a thin sheet of ice covering a frozen pond. Stepping ever so lightly trying to make it to the other side safely.

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Days like today have reminded me of what is important. Days like today have reminded me why MY role might just be more important than I thought. I always hated the term “military wife”. I used to think “NO!I am a Teacher. A COACH. An athlete. A wife. NOT just a Military Wife!” But i’m learning that this really is a family in it’s own way when your biological family can’t be here in proximity.
I started looking at pictures the other day. Pictures from before I knew Adam. It made me realize that we tend to block out this part of our partners lives. Maybe because we can’t imagine our lives without them. But seeing these pictures made me realize he had these amazing friends that he spent so much time with. Who were going through the same things…and now we are older and are more in the depths of our careers. The odds of loosing people go up. And it reminds me how important it is to learn about this part of our partners lives, to love them not just who they are today, but for who they were. To look at those pictures of their childhood and adolescents. To learn about the people who are important in their lives, even if they live far away and have their own lives now.

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Today Adam got word while on a mission that a Tanker crashed in Manas (overseas). Immediately my heart sunk. Adam’s best friend is there flying that very plane. No names had been released yet and I could feel the hair on my arms stand up. I couldn’t imagine how Adam was feeling. Of course we were scared that he was flying that plane. My thoughts raced with sadness for the families of the crew, and young lives lost too soon. Last week one of the plane’s Adam used to fly crashed over sea’s as well. We had to just sit and wait for names to be released for two days…was it a friend? Did he know them? Did he fly with them? He flew that very jet 3 times. Pretty scary.
This is getting too close to home. After getting word that our friend is okay, I tell Adam I love him and wish him safe travels for his next flight to Japan. Just be safe ok? I tell him… I love you. Praying that God keeps him safe.

After we talked I began to think about everything that goes into keeping a plane in the air. Everything that goes into keeping a pilot flying. Everything that goes into pre flight and a pilot being ready to fly. And thats when I realized that I do have a role in this. It’s important that I make sure I don’t disrupt his sleep the night before his flights. It’s important that he has a clean flight suit, a healthy meal before he flies, that he is awake and alert, that he has a cup of coffee, that he gets a hug and a kiss and is told that I love him. To not stress him out with petty things so he can stay focused on what he needs to do when he flys this enormous tanker across the Atlantic, Pacific, and god knows where else. To take care of the house, make sure the bills are paid, make sure the dogs are taken care of and the yard. To be able to be independent enough to handle things on my own when he is away, but not too stubborn to ask for help. To keep my identity and career. To continue to follow my dreams and pursuits while he is following his in this delicate balance of precious life. But mostly…to be supportive. To know that I may worry every time he puts on that flightsuit to fly, he loves what he does. And I am so proud of how hard he has worked to get there. And I am so proud of the sacrifices he makes for us to be there. So this is my promise to fold more socks, make more comfort food, and continue to give the love I know he deserves. From one home front to another, and as my dad always reminds me “fear and regret are twin theves who rob us of tomorrow”.

Texas 70.3 Race Report

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    This has been a difficult race report to start writing. Where do I begin? I feel like there was so much  leading up to the race, let alone the race itself. I didn’t want this to be a blur of unorganized chaos. Besides, my race pictures are pretty gross, my times even more pitiful. Yet…how do I describe the odd sense of accomplishment I feel peeking through the cracks of slow split times ? Let me start with the traveling part!

    I’ve never traveled to a race by myself before. The furthest was to run Team Nationals and stay with my mother and father in law… and never traveling with a bike. So the thought of having to bring it on the plane, get it past security, find someone to reassemble (thanks awesome Hansen family )  and make sure it made it out of transition in one piece stressed me out. Let alone the thought of getting a flat on the course. I had to learn how to use a c02 cartridge the week before the race because although I always carried it, I’ve luckily never had to use it (note never still stands today…PHEW!). Trying to carry a bike box, a huge suitcase, a carry on, my helmet and a purse is NOT fun when your by yourself. Oh the things you take for granted!

47 lbs without the bike in it. United tried to charge me $200 just for the trip to Galveston!

47 lbs without the bike in it. United tried to charge me $200 just for the trip to Galveston!

I met the nicest couple on the bus over to rent my car. Amy was also racing, Guido was spectating. After a few minutes of chatting, we realized that Guido and I WERE ON THE SAME TEAM! This was so exciting to me because I finally felt like I wasn’t completely alone. Besides…they were great 🙂 Adam tried to tell me not to get talked into ANY extra charges for the rental car, but this woman had me completely convinced that the state of Texas REQUIRES you to carry this insurance for an extra 13 dollars/ day. After getting that straightened out, it was off to Galveston, a 90 minute commute in heavy traffic from Houston. Luckily not too hard to navigate by myself. My navigational skills are less than stellar. Especially when compared to that of a pilot. My hotel was great. Minus one thing. They were brand new and had NO CELL PHONE SIGNAL. UGH. Had to call all my family and let them know I was okay from outside. Which also meant no bedtime pep talks or face book stalking 😦 But on the good side of that, it forced me to FOCUS on what I needed to do. Saturday morning was the team breakfast. I was excited to meet the team. They were even nicer than I had expected. I met some great girls that were racing in my age group, and some really fast girls that I could only hope to catch up to some day. Chrissy handed out team uniforms while everyone ate. My uniform showed up at my house when Adam got home from dropping me off from the airport. Luckily, Chrissy was nice enough to bring me an extra men’s that she had. I tried it on in the bathroom at Denny’s. And it fit! Hey I never said it was flattering. Argh. I think i’m pointing to my pancakes in this photo . Anyone want a double decker? Still full!

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After breakfast I headed to the hotel with Dave and Jennie Hansen. Jennie is a professional on our team from my Rochester. I ran Cross Country against her at a neighboring high school, so i’ve been watching her pony tail in races for quite a few years. I don’t know what I would have done with out their help! Rented a bike? hah!  After that, I hit up the expo, to find out that surprise! You have no bib! You must go to the Solutions booth. Ok, no problem. They had me fill out more paperwork and take it to the timing chip booth. She told me to make sure that it was put into the computer. After asking the guy twice, he was clearly annoyed with me. He said look, it’ll get done. “Okay…sorry, thanks”. I walked away thinking “I hope so”. I of course purchased some nice gear and checked out the transitions and course before heading out. This was getting REAL!

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It was nice and warm without being HOT. Perfect weather. I was getting excited. T1 didn’t open until 2pm, so I would have to come back to set up my bike (you leave it there over night). That was a first too. When I did get my number, I realized that it was 2819…almost the last number in the race. And everyone in my age group was 5– something. Meaning their transition rack was directly behind the pro’s, and mine was among the relay’s.

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Breathe Katie. It’s okay. It’s the same race. Anxiety is building. Bike, car, phone, bib, rack, i’m here. It’s okayyyyy. Adam let me know that he looked up my name and I was showing up under “Team Myszka, Age 99”. AWESOME. So now not only will everyone tracking me be confused, but I won’t register with my age group. BREATHE KATIE. I found someone to ask. He assured me it was fixed. I asked again. He assured me it was fixed. “Okay…thanks”. After, I ran some last minute errands, tested out my bike, and brought it to transition, and went for a quick massage. He worked only on my right foot. I’ve been battling some nasty, nasty plantar fascitis and a heel spur, and figured this couldn’t hurt. I was nervous about how it would feel on the run. The massage felt AMAZINGGGGGG. First time I relaxed all week!

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Dinner was brutal! I had been fueling all day and just had to force feed myself that last meal. Gotta do it! I met some AMAZING people and was invited to sit with them at dinner. Turns out Chad’s parents were from Mount Morris, NY! And I met him in TEXAS?!? Such a small world!!! Sleep was not really happening Saturday night. I got about 2 hours. I just kept thinking about everything I needed to remember. This included the flow of my transitions which I had been working on. Helmet, feet, socks shoes….yupp. This was my plane ride.

photo(3)My alarm went of at 4am. Enough time to down the 2 cups of apple sauce, banana, and 24 ounces of perform. MMMM. YUMMY. Usually I start with Oatmeal and Coffee. But this race was different.  I checked the notes I left for myself everywhere, double checked, triple checked. Put on my uniform, put copious amounts of hairspray in my hair so that I had one less thing to touch and mess with getting out of the water. And lets not forget the body glide. Although I did forget one spot. Check out my nice trophy from my wetsuit!

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By 5am I was ready to go. I headed to Moody Gardens watching the same Youtube video over and over again. Coach Mary Eggers had sent this to her athletes. It was perfect. It describes us crazy endurance athletes perfectly.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SuPLxQD4akQ

I got to transition and set everything up. I immediately went to another race director to try to get my “Team Myszka age 99” fixed again since it was still not correct online. I wanted to make sure my chip was okay. He said “were busy. It’s fine”. I knew they were…so I just went with it. Decided there wasn’t much I could do. I tried. I am SO GLAD Adam made me practice my transitions and think about how I wanted to set it up and keep it simple. It’s funny how it is such a short part of the race, but can be so stressful if you don’t think about it until race day. This made it easy for me. I got there, set it up just like I practiced, and relaxed.

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After finding my teammates QT2 teammates Kaitlin Anelauskas and Matt Curbeau, I settled down and walked to the swim start with my wetsuit, swim cap, goggles,  and morning drop bag. Getting real now! Matt was great about explaining what was going down, and Kaitlin was helping to settle my first time jitters. My team is just plain awesome. And FAST!  By the time we hit the bathroom one last time, we looked at our watch and it was time to go! We headed to the start, put on our wetsuits, dropped off our morning bags, took our last gel and headed onto the pier where we would jump into the water for the start! Here is just part of our wave on the pier. Just before jumping into the water.

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I started on the far, front, left as planned. Unfortunately, that too is where most of the other gals in my wave planned to start apparently. When the gun went off, I got pummeled. I guess I just hadn’t mentally prepared myself for the actual swim START. I had prepared myself for the SWIM. I had prepared myself to get kicked in the face once I had some momentum, to see feet in my face, to swim around people. I DID NOT expect people to try to swim over the top of me. I just hadn’t thought of it. I guess this is why everyone needs a first race. None the less, I had my very first very unexpected full blown water panic attack. I was expecting a very solid swim. Maybe I shouldn’t have given myself so much credit, but my swim times in the pool (cough cough, I know) had improved a lot. I was hoping to be between 31-32 minutes . I just really thought I had that in me. I have spent what I thought was a lot of time in the pool. Anyways, I came up for air and panicked. Thoughts rushed into my head immediately. “I can’t do this.” Oh my god I can’t do this. I can’t breathe. I can’t move!” I was treading water. The damn gun had gone off and I was TREADING WATER! Anyone who knows me knows that me and the starting cannon have a little love affair. I hear it and I GO. There was never such thing as “an easy day” in a race. I just hear it and something inside me lights on fire. But at this moment. I could not move. It was as if all the stress I had felt before the race had come piling down on me and I just couldn’t swim. Just try to take a stroke. I put my face in the water, took one stoke and came up again. My body was fighting my brain. NO! NO! You can’t! I have to! I can’t! But you want to! No I don’t ! Yes Katie! Yes you do! Don’t let this stop you! Oh my god. This is ridiculous i’m wasting time!!!! My moment of clarity came when I heard the swim coach from home telling me to visualize. What would you see? I told her before I left that I would see the pool because I love swimming. It relaxes me. I would see the lane line in a calm pool. So I closed my eyes, put my face in the water and swam. And that was the end of the panic. It just clicked. I then found myself on someones feet. Unfortunately, I was too caught up in following them to realize they were way off course! WAY OFF COURSE. When I came up, it was to the paddle board pointing to the buoy wayyyy off in the distance. CRAP! Stay calm, FOCUS. MAKE THIS RIGHT KATIE YOU HAVE TO FOCUS. I knew that these first time jitters were OBVIOUSLY getting the best of me and I had a choice from this point on. Let them ruin my race that I had worked so hard to get to, or deal with it and go. So that’s what I did. I swam. The rest of the swim felt amazing. Almost too easy. I was passing people like crazy. Like a big game of Pac man as Mary would say. Spotting the buoys seemed to be no problem from that point on. I did what Mary told me to do and it was working really well. The sad part it, my average pace was pathetic from treading water and going off course. Although, for as easy as the swim felt I think I should have pushed the pace much harder than I did. Again, this first time race stuff is a lot harder than I had anticipated. Especially when you cant read your watch in the water!

Headed into T1 (1st Transition) I used a wetsuit stripper. The run back was very long and I felt very very disoriented. I was falling over putting on my bike gear but managed a pretty quick transition time. Here we go. The part of the race that has always made me the most nervous. The bike. Thankfully this was flat as a pancake. I just wasn’t as experienced of a biker as the other athletes. I was planning on basing my whole race pace on my Heart rate, focusing in on the bike. But when I got hopped on, my watch read — — — where the heart rate should be. I jostled with it a little. And still nothing. Ok Katie don’t worry. This is why we practice. (Here you can see me trying to move it around)

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Mary told me that my pace would feel slow. That I would be mad because I would feel like she was holding me back. So I knew that I had to find a pace that felt like that. So that’s what I did. My heart rate monitor did end up kicking in, but I was afraid to trust it by this point. I was trying to go based on feel, and unfortunately I just don’ t have an awesome “feel ” for my pacing on the bike yet. It was definitely under where I should have been. In my head I was just not sure what 56 miles was going to bring having a half marathon ahead of me. Typically, I would hammer the half marathon and I wanted to save some energy for it. I was really focused in on the nutrition for this race. I had worked out a modest plan with Mary going in, but we hadn’t tried it yet, so there was no telling how my body would react. This was totally my own fault. So dumb. I should have been practicing with it all along. But I was trying to train with REAL FOOD! Trying to be HEATLHY! Well…healthy would be to train with what the course provides and to eat healthy the rest of the day! Mary said I should pee within the first hour on the bike. Wait. Like…on my bike? Yeahhhh I tried. EEEEEEE. EEEEE. PUSHHHHH. UGH I can’t do it! I stopped to pee twice. I was glad to know I was hydrated, but man I hate wasting time. I  can see it now. Me: “I’ll be back in an hour” Adam: “Where you going?”

Me: “I’m going to go practice urinating on myself”

Oh the perks of being an athlete 🙂

Over the course of the bike I took in 3 bottles of Powerade Perform, 12 Shot blocks, 1 Accel gel, and 1 bottle of water. More than I have ever take for any ultra marathon or marathon I have ever run. When I got off the bike, my legs felt good, but my stomach not so much. I felt like I was going to throw up. I had a pretty quick transition and just tried to keep my feet moving. I could tell that this run was going to be rough. I was supposed to take in perform at every aide station, and a gel every 40 minutes. I couldn’t even bear the thought of taking a sip of water. For the first 4-5 miles I did all I could…pour water over my head to keep my body cool with sponges. And try not to vomit.

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I could feel my pace slowing from the 7 minute mile I was holding. Instead of the negative splits I was planning on, my pace was slowly falling. I could feel that I somehow needed to find a time to get some nutrition in me. I forced down a gel around mile 4 or 5. Took enough water to chase it without making me too sick. I was feeling utterly horrible with bouts of semi horrible and rare bouts of mildly terrible. That’s how the whole half marathon felt. I’m not used to that. It was definitely a mental battle with myself to cross that line. I’ve never felt so sick on a run. I tried to put my brain in my feet if that makes any sense. If it was anywhere else I think I would have spent most of the race over the garbage can. It was awesome seeing so many of my QT2 teammates over the 3 loop course. My favorite section of the race was on the waterfront, where the QT2 pro’s , early starts, and FAST finishers were there screaming their heads off for us! Here is my favorite picture. Caitlin Snow cheering after placing 3rd overall Female Pro. What an incredible girl! Love her!

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The run course was three loops with LOTS of turns. My feet felt like they were completely blistered on the bottom. Rookie mistake : new shoes and second time wearing them in a race. OMG. DAH!

Crossing the finish line was an amazing sense of accomplishment and disappointment at the same time. I had set my goal much higher for myself for this race. But considering what I was facing during the race, I could have given up. I could have walked away and said “next year i’ll try again”. But I decided to grit my teeth (I mean smile) and cross the line anyways. Like I talk about when I talk about the marathon and life.

“Isn’t this why we put ourselves through this? To press on when we think we can’t? To stay strong when we want to fall apart? To use the energy from those around us, while giving off our own for others to use? To dig deep when you know it counts? That is the heart of Endurance to me.  We are fighters. “

As stated in the quote at the beginning of my blog. I may have come a long way, but I have a long ways to go. I am looking forward to my next race and improving upon the things that I was able to get rid of with first time jitters. I am looking forward to doing a race that will have me traveling HOME! To test the waters again and my mental preparedness to withstand the swim start. To handle a hilly bike course with a whole new added stress of my mental axiety from that bike crash, and to come of the bike nutritionally sound and ready to run the race I know that I can. Syracuse….I’m coming for you!

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Lessons in climbing brick walls

It has been a long time since my last post. Quite honestly I felt as if nothing significant enough had happened in my training to post. I mean…how do I compete with crashing my bike, ripping my leg open, and loosing my memory? I know. I know.  it’s not a competition, but everything else seems so much less exciting to write about!

I officially started training again 8 weeks ago. Base building for 8 weeks can get pretty repetitive, but I was more than grateful to be able to be on the road to competing again. Mary Eggers (my coach) and I chose Galveston Texas 70.3 and Syracuse 70.3, with the goal to qualify for the Championship in Las Vegas. My base of Endurance was starting lower than I had the first go around because of the crash, and I had some muscle imbalances to work out during this time. Physical Therapy has been amazing. They keep telling me how much they love “kicking my butt” when I come in. Glad I can keep them entertained! These past 8 weeks have proved to be crucial and extremely beneficial in my training this season. I have felt significant gains in my bike and swim in the recent weeks. It’s amazing to me how the most seemingly small change can make such a significant difference. The biggest gain being in my swim recently. After a video analysis with Mary, we realized how deep my entry is. I was loosing half of my pull and not realizing it. Since making the adjustments to my form, I’ve been able to shed a lot of time…and my arms and lungs are thanking me too!

I used to feel a disconnect with the bike. Not MY bike…I love my bike. But biking in general. Maybe this contributed to my loss of control in the crash. Who knows. But my last outdoor ride something just clicked. 2 hours into my ride, my legs felt as if they were part of the bike, like I was one with the bike. I couldn’t believe how much faster and more efficiently I was peddling! FINALLY the “Ah hah” moment I had been waiting for!

This past Sunday I had a time trial 5k on the schedule. I usually don’t get very nervous for a race. Anxious…oh yeah, but nervous? NO. But I was so nervous for this race! I kept thinking….I haven’t broken Zone 1 in months…more than that! Probably since the crash! Did my lungs have it ? Did my legs have it? I was coming off of a nasty flu bug that swept the state of California. All I knew was that Mary said “run your heart out”. So I did. My first mile felt great. I was holding 5:50 and felt totally comfortable. Halfway through the second mile…still felt great. I thought for sure I would be able to hold this pace no problem. Just before I hit the 2 mile mark, my legs started feeling heavy. Not even necessarily that burning I can’t hold it, but just HEAVY. My lungs felt totally fun, but I had done the calculations in my head and knew the pace I had to hold. Too bad I did my math wrong! Note to self…do the math BEFORE the gun goes off! I was trying to be in the 18’s, but unfortunately my body and my heart were fighting each other on Sunday. My legs were wondering what they were doing and my mind was like your fine just go! I’ve never had that happen to me before. Usually my lungs would give out before my body. I finished fairly frustrated with my performance, but then it hit me. Katie…6 months ago you weren’t walking. You were laying on the side of the road wondering if you broke your nose or neck. You were wondering if you had torn something in your knee. And here I am holding 5:50 miles and feeling “comfortable”. I placed 2nd over all. But my time was all I was focusing on at that point in time.  The only words I can use to describe the feelings I have right now are a grateful heart, with a realistic view of where I am at, a determined heart to know where I want to go, and the dedication and fire to keep me going after it. Every. Single.Day.  Because in the words of Aristotle:

“We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence then,  is not an act, but a habit.”

 

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